I'm trying to get to the point where I can control my emotions regardless of what's happening around me. It may seem like a silly thing to try and achieve, but my only real obstacles are my rampant insecurity and jealousy. Is it even possible though? I'm already very apathetic, learned to like everyone and most everything, etc. Would this make me TOO numb though? I just want to be happy, which is becoming a problem these days. My mental condition is getting worse, psychologists would pretty much tell me what I already know (unless I overlooked something HUGE, which is very possible considering it's easier to find a problem when you're on the outside looking in rather than lost in the fog), but if I get rid of my complete dependence on the opinions of others and learned to enjoy the simpler, more peaceful side of life again, everything would be about perfect. I don't think I should just withdraw for a while, I need some sort of contact with other people to maintain myself. My brain is so good at finding problems, and connecting those problems to other problems, that I'd torture myself even if I did. What I need is change, a meaningful external problem to work on, and maybe love. And of course my usual allowance of affection :3 Oh, and I'm going out to my rich grandparents tomorrow for a couple days. There'll be lots of work involved, including closing the pool for winter (in b4 jokez), but it's more than worth it. See you guys when I get back. Current Location: bed
Current Mood: I dunno lol
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redredmushroom's journal
